hope sign

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Thursday, July 3, 2014

Becoming One...Withholding Nothing

Flowers from my husband.
My favorites, Gerber daisies and yellow roses

Have you ever longed to be in the arms of the one you love?  

Have you ever physically needed to be held?

The first time Bo went to the Philippines, he was gone for 21 days.  I truly thought I would have no problem with it.  I had three little kids that needed my total attention all the time and I was busy with church.  I knew I would miss him, but I had no idea how his leaving would affect me emotionally and physically.

About 24 hours after he left I was a mess.  I missed him and the kids missed him.  The girls wanted their daddy and Jake was scared that something bad was going to happen to him over there.  The day time was okay but night time...NOT GOOD!!  I would cry after the kids went to bed.  I was lonely and just felt odd.  Nothing seemed right without Bo being there.

We couldn't hardly communicate because he had to climb a mountain and wait in line for a three minute, delayed phone call.  So if I wasn't home when he got the chance to call, it might be days before we got the chance again.  My emotions were everywhere.

One thing I noticed that was a total shocker to me was that I started missing the warmth of his hand on my lower back or reaching over to hold his hand in the car.  I missed the security I felt in his embrace.  I missed his touch.  I had never even thought about that before he left.  I had become so accustomed to his touch and I didn't even realize it.  It had become such a part of my every day that the butterflies and tingles that I felt in the beginning were gone but it had become something so much deeper.  My body actually craved the touch of my husband.  I would lay on his pillow just to smell his cologne.  I would open the closet door to see his suits hanging in there.  Anything that felt like him, I wanted to hold and touch.  Just to be close to him.

I know it may sound crazy to some but this is truth.  Somewhere along the line, Bo and I had become such a part of each other that we no longer felt complete without the other.  I know some may think that this is too much but it's the way it should be.  It's all in the process of becoming ONE.  These two shall become one...words spoken at our wedding 25 years ago.

This morning I longed to be in the presence of God.

I physically needed to be in His presence.

To feel His arms around me.

So, I put aside a few things, picked up my devotional and Bible, went into my favorite room in my house, and just started reading the WORD and letting it speak to me in the quiet.  Such a sweet presence filled that room I was sitting in.

I am still in the process of becoming One with Him too.  Still a whole bunch of Kimi that needs a lot of work but I desire the presence of the LORD in my home and life.  I crave it.  He is very much a part of me.  I want to give Him all of me.  Everything I have and am, I want to surrender to Him...Withholding Nothing.  (link to William McDowell)

"Withholding Nothing"
by William McDowell
I surrender all to you
Everything I give to you
withholding nothing
withholding nothing

I pray that each one of you get a chance to be in the presence of the LORD today.  Feeling His love surround you.  Becoming One...withholding nothing.

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