I have been a little absent from my blog lately. I haven’t been too busy just too preoccupied with some other things.
Life changes so quickly. One day you are a little girl in your parents home, dreaming of growing up. What kind of life will you have, who will you marry, what kind of job will you have, how many kids…so many questions. You play house and school and in our home, church. Singing with your brother and sisters. Trying so hard to act grown up. When you clean your room, you pretend you are cleaning your own home, you are the mommy and you have children that you get to boss around. It’s all so perfect.
Next time you turn around, you are falling in love, getting married, starting a family. In three years, you have three kids. Life is chaotic but you are happy. Growing and loving and learning about these five people who make up this crazy little family. You and your love are becoming one. It’s a process of mistakes, forgiveness, laughter, tears. Your 3 year old baby girl sets the couch on fire with the candle you left lit while your 4 year old baby girl dances around in a circle yelling, “fire, fire, fire”. Some days it seems like more than you can handle and other days, it’s everything you dreamed of.
Now everyone is grown, your a grandmother, mother in law, it’s all happened so fast. Your so much deeper in love with this man you have shared almost 25 years with. Someone runs in yelling, “Grammy, Grammy, where are you????”…guess they are talking to you. You look at your children, so beautiful, handsome, good people…they love God, they love their families, they love others, your heart is full.
It’s Christmas time and you know something isn’t right. You go to the doctor and she seems to think it’s a simple hormone fix. You breathe a sigh of relief. Hormone fix doesn’t work, you go for an ultrasound, very painful ultrasound. You tell your husband, “I think something is wrong.” You try to be strong. New Years Eve, your youngest daughters birthday, you are on your way to a celebration for her 21 marvelous years when your cell phone rings. It’s the doctors office, “The ultrasound showed some abnormalities in your uterus. You have to have a biopsy.” All the world seems to stop for a second but you have no time to process. You make the appointment for results discussion with the doctor and for your biopsy. Trying so hard not to let anyone know how scared you are. Thoughts that you aren’t suppose to think start running through your mind. “Is this my last birthday celebration with my daughter?”, “Will I be here next year?”, “Did I just celebrate my last Christmas?”…I know, you haven’t even had your biopsy yet, but you cannot keep the questions away.
Now, you are having dizzy spells, you are still bleeding, you are weak and worried. Nothing seems to be sticking in your mind. You can’t write, read, concentrate on much of anything. You are sad, scared and very much out of control. You lay in your husbands arms as the tears slide down your face, over your nose, onto his shirt. He holds you, letting your emotions rise and fall. He kisses your head and just holds you until you breathe in and look up into his hazel eyes. He knows just what to do. His words are soft and encouraging. He prays for you and you can feel his heart breaking but you can also feel his strength. Simply amazing.
Your hero steps in…he calls the doctors office and insists on an earlier appointment. You and he go in just a couple of hours, sitting across from the doctor. She says, I’m not concerned. She still thinks it’s a simple fix. She does the biopsy and the pain is like nothing else you have ever experienced. She is very encouraging and you breathe for the first time in days.
Are you out of the woods yet? No.
Do you have the results yet? No.
Do you feel better? YES!!
Why would just going to the doctor make you feel better? Because she knows something you don’t. She knows what she is looking at, you don’t. She has seen this before, you haven’t.
1- My husband is still my hero.
2- His arms are my home.
3- He is my rock.
4- I am loved.
5- I am not in control of most things…as much as I’d like to think I am.
6- All is well, even if I’m not
7- I have 5 strong, praying children (3 by birth, 2 who chose us crazies)
8- My parents are amazing (I knew this but they just keep proving it over and over again)
9- God is God no matter what is going on in my life
10- Bo and I are enjoying our becoming One…it’s still fun.
I do understand that we haven’t received the biopsy results back. I know that life can turned upside down in an instant. I am aware that I can get bad news. I am not putting my head in the sand. Whatever the results are, I am in the hands of a loving God. Yes, I am a little scared, concerned. I am waiting for the phone to ring, wondering what they will say.
Blog world, I need your prayers. I 100% believe in the power of prayer. I 100% believe that prayer changes things. God is God, nothing changes that. So, please pray for me, with me.
Some may think that I am being crazy for sharing this private part of my life with you, when I don’t even know if anything is really wrong. I can see your point. I have thought about not sharing any of this with you. I have started to write and stopped because it’s so super personal. I came to this conclusion… Why not increase your prayer pool? Why not call all the Christians you know and even the ones you don’t know, to call on the name of the LORD for healing in your body? One can put 1000 to flight, two can put 10,000. I like those odds.
I’m not really that private anyway. If I was, I would not be writing a blog. So, here it all is. This is Kimberly Estep VanDyke asking for your prayers. I will let you know, when I know.
ALL Is Well…2 Kings 4:8-37
|My Praying Husband|